


The Things We Could Be

by wirewrappedlily



Series: Bones Saves the Universe [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Kirk is conniving and awesome, M/M, Minor ST:ID spoilers, Starfleet gets Bones some time with his kid, in order to be sneaky and steal either him or Jim in order to get the serum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 01:15:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wirewrappedlily/pseuds/wirewrappedlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Well, fair maiden, I've been cursed!" Jim told her, eyes wide, as he dropped to the ground on his knees. "My kingdom is in your hands until you can save me from the mean old troll!" </p><p>Joanna let out a high shriek of giggles, leaping so that she could wrap her arms around Jim's neck, beaming as she gave him a big kiss on the cheek. </p><p>"Come along, your majesty!" Sulu called, offering her his hand to lead her into the fort, "We must defeat the mean old troll and find your gifts before the king of the hobgoblins returns to the kingdom for a friendship feast!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fool For Love

Leonard McCoy was the genius who had concocted a healing serum from super-blood to regenerate heavily irradiated tissue, and Jim Kirk was the heavily irradiated tissue. 

If there had been one thing they'd learned during the cluster fuck that had been the chase for Khan, it was not to necessarily trust the men and women they worked for, and with good reason. In the memorial for the victims of the massacre that had gone on, Jim talked about becoming the evil they wanted to fight: and it was only he, Spock, Uhura, Scotty, Chekov, Bones, and Sulu that really knew the extent to which evil had grown in Starfleet. 

They wanted Jim Kirk and the serum that brought him back to life; they would be willing to play dirty to get it. 

They went for Bones through his daughter, and Jim saw red. Joanna McCoy was small, sweet, and such a little angel that it melted Bones into a goofy, loving mess instead of the crotchety old bastard Jim had come to know and love. Bones knew it was some sort of ploy; knew that there was no way Jocelyn had come to allow this without some kind of incentive from Starfleet, but having his little girl run into his arms was still a miracle. Jim clapped him on the back, moving around him to pick up Joanna's dropped bag, picking it up and walking back over to them beaming. 

"Jo, this is Jim." Bones murmured, letting go of her just enough so that she could turn her head and smile at the captain. Bones lifted her up, even as big as she'd gotten, and Jim ginned at her, one hand on her back as he nodded. "He's the captain of my ship." 

"Hello there, Miss McCoy. It's a pleasure." Jim kissed the back of her little hand, grinning wider as she blushed. "Your daddy is my best friend in the whole universe, and the best doctor ever." 

Joanna nodded, smiling shyly, "I know. Mommy told me how he saved your life, and every time I got sick when I was little, he'd make me better." 

"Did your mama tell you how brave he is? Your daddy is scared of flying and he comes on a spaceship with me!" Jim laughed, and Joanna lit up, her smile huge. "He's the bravest man I know." 

"And you saved the world!" Joanna murmured, wide-eyed. "Daddy, I wanna hear all of the stories!" 

"You'll hear everything, pumpkin, but first we're gonna go get you set up and have dinner, okay?" 

Joanna nodded, and Jim followed father and daughter out of the arrivals terminal. 

"Your mama tell you about what happened, pumpkin?" 

Joanna nodded vigorously, looking around her at the new setting of San Francisco. 

"Who do you wanna meet?" 

"I wanna meet all of them, daddy!" Joanna answered immediately, emphatic. 

"Well, this," Bones nodded in front of them, and Joanna turned in his arms to see, "is Nyota Uhura and Spock; they're the ones that helped me save Jim." 

Uhura grinned at the little girl, Spock inclining his head with a warmth in his features before moving to take the bag from Jim and stow it in the back. 

Joanna thrust her hand out to them once her father put her on her feet, shaking their hands with more pride than a damn admiral. "Thank you for helping my daddy save his best friend." 

"Jim is a friend to all of us, Joanna; we needed to save him." Nyota replied with a beaming smile, tacitly ignoring the man in question when he shot her a look of pleasure and mock surprise. 

"Jo, I've gotta ask you a favour, darlin'." McCoy murmured, kneeling down before they got into the car. "I wanted to have some time, jus' you an' me, but I'm still worried 'bout Jim. Think you can help me make sure he's okay?" 

Joanna nodded eagerly, missing it as both Spock and Jim scanned the crowds around them before surreptitiously getting in; Jim in the back and Spock in the front. 

Uhura helped Joanna to climb in, moving to get in the front with Spock as Bones sandwiched his little girl between himself and Jim. Joanna shifted, sitting up as tall as she could while strapped in, and reaching for Jim's face. "Baby, he's okay--" 

"No, Bones, let the little doctor McCoy make her own assessments; it's only fair." Jim laughed him off, slouching down in his seat to give her better access, "Tell me, doc; is it terminal?" 

Joanna wrinkled her sharp little nose at him, moving her hand from his cheek to his forehead, "You don't run as warm as my daddy." 

Jim's eyebrows rose, "Neither does Commander Spock, and he's Vulcan! He's supposed to run warmer. How does your daddy do it? Can you teach me the secret?" 

"I don't know, I go cold, too." Joanna pouted. 

Jim made a face that would break hearts, reaching for a hug that she jumped into with glee. "Hugs warm me up." 

Joanna grinned up at him, "Hugs warm me up, too."

"I can't tell you how many times I've been attacked by Captain Cold-Hands." Leonard griped to his daughter, scowling playfully. 

"That's what I do!" Joanna cried excitedly, grinning up at Jim. "I stick my toes under his leg when he's reading." 

Jim cracked up laughing, "My toes are always in my boots, or I would." 

Joanna smiled, wriggling out of her shoes and half-turning in her seat so that her back was against Jim's thigh and her toes slid under Leonard's. "Hey!" 

Joanna giggled, and Jim laughed, draping one arm down around her, "Toasty?" She nodded up at him, grinning impishly. 

"This is going to end so badly." Leonard predicted, and Jim grinned at him, winking. 

"Your daughter and your best friend get along, Bones, be happy." 

"Monsters, the pair of you." 

"But we're _your_ monsters, Daddy, so it's okay." Joanna cooed, leaning her head back as Jim's fingers started to undo fairy-knots her hair had gotten tangled into; the actions completely separate of his brain. 

Leonard watched Jim's clever fingers painlessly tug out the knots, a warm glow starting in his chest that Joanna was so happy; that Jim was there, alive, idly chatting with her about the people she'd meet since she wanted to meet the crew. 

Their security detail--because, really, that's what it was--shifted from Nyota and Spock to Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov; though Leonard really didn't see how they would help if it came to Starfleet trying to grab either Jim or himself while either of them were paying more attention to Joanna than the whereabouts of each other. It was ridiculously paranoid, but Spock had agreed when Jim had talked to Bones and him about it; Leonard's daughter was the perfect distraction, and there was no telling what someone like Marcus would do if he was willing to sacrifice the lives of seventy-two people just to get leverage over one man. So, they would stick together, damn the paranoia of it, because Jim being snapped up by some crazed doctor or Leonard being taken into interrogation over the serum was simply not going to happen. Jim and Scotty had spent the first week of Jim's consciousness hacking into Starfleet systems and rooting out every piece of Khan and Marcus's handiwork they could find. Bones had played poker with the two of them in an enforced measure to get them to stop for the night, or Jim might've ridden the high of battling evil in his own Starfleet into staying up all night. 

Joanna waited on the curb for Jim to cross around the car, reaching for his hand with her other in Bones's. "Hello, wee lass! Aye, you look like the good doctor. M'name's Montgomery Scott; but ye can call me Scotty." 

"I am Chekov, ma'am." Chekov bowed to her, and Joanna giggled, hearts practically in her eyes. 

"Kiss-ass," Sulu whispered, scowling at him before bending down to introduce himself to Joanna, too, beaming at her, "I'm Hikaru Sulu, m'lady." Sulu bowed, too, with a grin and flourish, "I'll be your valiant knight." 

"He's got a sword and everything." Kirk remarked, envy in his blue eyes. "So all we gotta do, princess, is get you a crown." 

Joanna giggled, "My royal guard!" Sulu grinned at her, and she looked up at Leonard, "Does that mean my daddy's a king?" 

"He's the king's doctor; the king doesn't have a princess of his own." Jim answered before Leonard could, and Scotty snorted into a fit of laughter. "Now, if the king's orders have been carried out, there should be some presents for the beautiful princess upstairs." 

Squeezing Jim's hand, Joanna pulled them along for the stairs in a sudden rush, Jim laughing at the look Leonard shot him. 

"I don't have a princess, Bones. I don't have anyone."

"Nor do I." Scotty added, followed by Sulu and Chekov agreeing, "Let us spoil the wee lass, Leonard! She's a whole crew wrapped around her wee little finger." 

"And I'm pretty sure Uhura would melt for her if given longer than a few minutes. Please let Joanna melt the ice queen so I no longer have to suffer her wrath, Bones. Please?" Jim pouted. Leonard snorted, rolling his eyes at the horrible lot of them, releasing Joanna's hand as the door to their temporary living opened, and Joanna ran into the room with a delighted shriek.

Looking around, Sulu, Chekov, and Scotty had set up a massive, and honestly fantastic-looking blanket fort; a small crown awaiting his little princess on the corner of one of the chairs creating the entrance to the fort. "'S a palace fit for a queen, majesty. And your presents, wee lass, are scattered through the realm. You'll 've to find them!" Scotty told her excitedly. 

Joanna beamed, squirming a strange little dance as Jim carefully caught up the crown and set it on her head. "Where's your crown?!" 

"Well, fair maiden, I've been cursed!" Jim told her, eyes wide, as he dropped to the ground on his knees. "My kingdom is in your hands until you can save me from the mean old troll!" 

Joanna let out a high shriek of giggles, leaping so that she could wrap her arms around Jim's neck, beaming as she gave him a big kiss on the cheek. 

"Come along, your majesty!" Sulu called, offering her his hand to lead her into the fort, "We must defeat the mean old troll and find your gifts before the king of the hobgoblins returns to the kingdom for a friendship feast!" 

Leonard couldn't stop himself from bursting into a fit of laughter, knowing full well that Spock never would have agreed to this in a million years. Jim's eyes twinkled at him as he stood, a little shakily, back up; Joanna taking Sulu's hand and ducking down to enter her palace. "Be my mean old troll, Bones?" 

"I thought I was your doctor, Jim." Leonard murmured. 

"You've been cursed, too. A sorceress put a spell on you so your heart was broken, and you stole me away. Only Joanna can give you a kiss to un-break your heart." Jim murmured, too low for Joanna to hear, his eyes shining knowingly. 

"Where are we going, and what am I doing?" Leonard sighed resignedly, ignoring it as Jim jerked his arms up in a half-assed celebration. 

"To the bog of eternal sorrows, Bones, keep up: it's the only place fitting for a mean old troll." Jim chided with a boyish grin, tugging Leonard along. 

"What is this, Jim?" 

"It's a...a consolation prize. You're not safe unless you're being kept track of, neither am I. And I want Joanna to have the best damn time she's ever had, Bones. Kids remember things like that. She'll remember getting to play princess with her hero of a father long after Starfleet forgets all about me. It's not fair that you two don't get to be alone together, and I am so pissed off about that, but I wanted to give you something that might make up for it, if only a little." 

Leonard couldn't look Jim in those big, blue eyes any longer; not with the way they were shining. Gruffly clearing his throat, Leonard caught Jim's slightly trembling hands in his, bleeding warmth into the cold fingers, his brow wrinkling because Jim wasn't due for another treatment for his lowered blood pressure, even though he obviously needed one. 

Jim jerked away from Leonard's hands when he reached up to start performing the already-rote check over of Jim's status, scowling slightly, "I'm not due for another three hours, Bones, you're playing a game with your daughter, we're not going to do that." 

"Excuse me for wanting to make sure you don't drop dead in front of my six-year-old." 

Jim heaved a sigh, rolling his eyes as he carefully made his way into Leonard's room; the apparent bog of eternal sorrows. Jim climbed over the tunnel opening the fort into the room, climbing on the bed and drawing his knees up, producing a PADD and handing it to Leonard. 

Written on the screen was a description of the fort and each area; the riddles and characters that would be encountered; and the present hidden at each outpost, right until Joanna would end up in this very room to kiss Leonard's heart unbroken. "What about your storyline, Jim? It ends after Joanna kisses me better. How's she supposed to save the king?" 

Jim shrugged, "I figured she'd either stab me in the neck with a hypo or do something else equally marking her as your daughter." 

Leonard chuckled, "I get a kiss and you get stabbed with a hypo. I can see it's good to be king." 

Jim shrugged, sighing as he laid sideways over Leonard's bed. "When they reach the Cave of Shiny Things, Scotty'll trip a pnuematic device that'll send us a ten-minute warning that she's on her way. I hope you don't mind a bit of costuming, Bones, because the healer should be in robes, and those robes should still be on the mean old troll." Heaving himself upright, Jim caught up one of the blankets, draping it artfully around Leonard's shoulders and pulling a 'hood' over his head. "I'd tell you to practice growling and being a mean old troll, but you hardly need it." 

Leonard narrowed his eyes, unimpressed with that last. Everything else, however, had him unbearably excited for his little girl. From somewhere--from the sounds of things, the kitchen, a very Scottish exclamation rued the brilliant princess for foiling the plot of a mad magician. "Kiss him, Captain Sulu, he'll wake up!" Joanna's voice rang out immediately after, and Jim grinned. 

"Who is Sulu kissing?" 

"Pavel." Jim answered simply, "Scotty ate a poison apple and went crazy; Pavel tried to talk him down, but Scotty cast an enchantment that sent him into a deep sleep." 

"So my daughter is encouraging an under-age relationship--" 

"Bones, they don't need encouragement; Pavel wants to propose to Hikaru anyway. And if I'm right..." Jim trailed off, cocking his head to one side. A moment later, Joanna let out another delighted shriek, and Jim grinned. "He just did. And judging by the laughing, Hikaru's said yes." 

"You're kidding." Bones rumbled, scowling. 

"Nope. What, Bones? They've been dating since Pavel managed to save me and Sulu from freefall on Vulcan. Something about being saved by his crush finally tipped the balance. Besides, if Pavel is old enough to help me fly a spaceship into a shit storm like the Narada or--...he's old enough to choose who he wants to be with." 

Bones went quiet, shaking his head. "I hope you planned a celebration for them." 

"Have we just met? You do know who I am, right?" Leonard snorted at him, shaking his head. 

Jim pulled out his comm, dashing off a message to Spock and Uhura about the update and concerning dinner, and Leonard let himself stray into being amazed for a moment at his best friend. Jim got up, grinning wildly, and stalked over, following along the edges of the fort until he found where the group was. He reached down, his identity protected by a crisp, white sheet blocking him from view as he began to tickle blindly. 

"Sir Pavel! Save the princess!" Hikaru could be heard from the attack, a shriek of laughter following and then a thump of someone hitting the ground before Jim sprinted quietly away, laughter in his eyes as he joined Leonard back in his room. 

"I can do zat!" Chekov exclaimed before Joanna took over. 

"Sir Pavel, we must find my father so he can heal Captain Sulu of this dreadful tickle wound!" 

"We can do zat!" Chekov enthused. "No man iz left behind!" 

"Princess, I only slow you down!" 

"No man is left behind, Captain! Mage Scotty! You and I will protect Sir Pavel and Captain Sulu as we make our way!" 

"Aye, Princess." 

"We must press on!" 

Jim was glowing as they listened to Joanna, biting his lip as he listened to Sulu and Pavel's dramatic performance of the dire wound Jim had tickled into Hikaru. "So what all did you get to spoil my little angel rotten?" 

"Me personally? You remember that toymaker we met on Verus XII? I had him make a plush of you and the Enterprise. Hikaru made her a clipping of that lily-like plant that changes colour to fit its caregiver's mood; Chekov got her a little tutu thing that really looks like it should be for a princess; and Scotty made her her crown with metal from Engineering. Uhura, Scotty and I also teamed up to put a voice box in the plush of you, telling her that you love her and for her to sleep tight." 

Jim looked at Bones in profile, then did a double take, worry in his eyes at his friend's misty expression. 

"Bones--" Leonard hugged him hard, swallowing away yet another breathed admonishment that Jim couldn't just _do_ things like this, dammit. Jim chuckled, hugging him back with a shake of his head, "I think, sometimes, you forget that I was once right where Joanna is; that I know what it's like to have your whole world off-world. She's got Jocelyn, but you're her _dad_ , Bones, and she loves you more than breathing, I know she does. So I'm not spoiling her; I'm doing what I would've wished for." 

Bones hissed through his teeth at the reminder that Jim had been just like his little girl, hugging him tighter. "You're not goin' anywhere, kid; you're damn necessary, and I won't let you go anywhere." 

"I kind of figured that one on my own, Bones." Jim patted his back as he let him go; grinning at him as he finally pulled back, tears in his eyes. "Now cut it out, you're supposed to be mean and old. The princess deserves your best performance." 

"Yes, your highness." Bones intoned with a laugh. Kirk's ears turned pink, and Bones grinned ferally. 

There was a small light that started to flash, and Kirk went from mostly-calm to vibrating-excited in two seconds flat--and Leonard wasn't sure how healthy that was for him. Shooing Leonard off the bed, Jim laid down with his arms crossed over his chest, hands on his shoulders, and closed his eyes, fighting for a few seconds before he managed to wipe the smile off his face and go still as the intrepid journeyers came to the last stop. 

Flicking his hood up, Leonard snarled ridiculously, Joanna squealing as she appeared out of the fort, her hair a wild mess and her cheeks and eyes bright. Leonard scooped her up, "I'm the mean old troll, and I won't let the king go!" 

"No!" She cried, wriggling. "No, father, you must let him go! You must, you must!" 

"He's been cursed, wee lass!" Scotty gasped, "Ye mus' break the curse!" 

"How?!" 

"True lowve's kiss!" Pavel warbled, and Joanna gasped, wriggling with purpose as she tried to reach her father's cheek and plant a big, sloppy wet one on him. 

Leonard looked at her, completely unimpressed, but she curled into a look of such innocent mischief that he couldn't stop himself from laughing for long. After a long beat, Leonard finally remembered he had lines to say, dammit. "Argh, you've broken the spell! My mean-ness is dwindling! I love you, pumpkin!" He stood up from his crouch and swung her around, throwing her against his chest and hugging her tight, "I don't know how to wake the king, Jo! How do I wake the king?" 

"True love's kiss, daddy!" Joanna told him like he'd talk to Jim after the idiot'd been hit on the head. 

"But if you're my true love--" 

"I'm your daughter: I trump true love. You have to kiss Jim." 

"Why can't you kiss Jim, sweetheart?" Jim muttered out of the corner of his mouth, and Joanna heaved a long-suffering sigh. 

"Because I'm not your daughter, or your true love, so my kiss won't break the curse, it'll kill you! Kiss him, daddy." Joanna pointed, her features set, and Leonard's neverending string of shiny new curse words were almost audible playing through his head. Leonard licked his lips thoroughly and Joanna narrowed her eyes, stopping him, "Not a gross one, Daddy, a real one!" 

"But you gave me a gross one!" 

"I'm a princess, nothing I do is gross." 

"Well, if it can't be gross then it can't be done, sweetpea, because I figured you'd stick me with a magic hypo, so I did not chug a bottle of mouthwash." Jim told her earnestly, raising his head and interrupting his pose and everything. 

Leonard knew the look in his daughter's eyes, even if he didn't like it. With one hand to Jim's chest, Leonard pushed him down on the bed, bending over and pressing a soft, closed-mouth kiss on his lips. Jim jerked in surprise, and McCoy could barely hear a little sigh before he was kissing Jim for real, his hand coming to cup the side of Jim's face as he coaxed Jim to let his tongue in. 

"Ew!" Joanna exclaimed, but it was quickly followed by one of the other three men getting up off the floor and picking her up off the bed, carrying her out of the room quietly. 

Jim's cheeks were blazing, his eyes bright, as he looked up at Leonard in surprise. "N-Next time I get put into a deep sleep, can this be how you wake me up?" Jim whispered, looking from Leonard's mouth back to his eyes again, hazel and warm and so necessary. 

"No." Leonard breathed, "The next time you get put in a deep sleep, it'll be because we're old and grey and have kissed so many heartstopping times what we've run out of time. I'm gonna go out kissin' you." 

"And I'll be right there with you." Jim laughed.


	2. Believe

Starfleet came at Jim through his insecurity: Leonard knew because though Jim was unexceptionally the golden boy, they hit him through his crew.

The death toll hadn't been small. In comparison to the Narada clusterfuck, it was; but the death toll of the number of Enterprise personnel lost sent most of them into the ashen grey of people who'd managed to _survive_ \--and Jim, for all his bluster and brashness, couldn't put that number down. Couldn't stop carrying it with him, in his heart and on his shoulders. His father had died saving his life and the life of every person on his ship; and Jim Kirk had saved the world, sure; he'd saved god knew how many lives that Khan and his crew would've taken in their eradication of inferiority--but he hadn't been able to save every life on board his ship, and the counter numbers, to Jim, were nothing more than random guessing. The death toll was real. The estimated survivors couldn't touch it. 

Joanna had gone back to Jocelyn, with promises of visits to come, before Leonard could accompany Jim and Spock to the regular dressing-downs Jim seemed to be receiving from the Admiralty. It was his first trip with them; the first meeting of the day, and by minute fifteen, Leonard found himself being bodily held into his chair by the damned Vulcan as the Admiralty listed off the men and women who would not be returning to the Enterprise's crew, due to their feelings of 'unsafety'. 

It was two hours of skirting around the real topic; the admirals very clear that actually coming out and saying 'give us the serum and your people will stop leaving you' would be taking it that step too far. The step that would allow McCoy to leave and drag Kirk along with him, because until that step was taken, Jim wouldn't be willing to go. Spock understood this, though he seemed to agree with it about as much as Leonard did. 

"Sir, if I may? Humans have served alongside beings such as myself for years, without complaint regarding the Vulcan's greater strength or the length of out expected lives. It is highly illogical for the men and women of Starfleet to now grow weary of the life expectancy of the men and women they work alongside. Furthermore, given the strength and dedication our Captain showed when facing Admiral Marcus--begging for his crew to be spared--would it not be more wise of our crew to continue with us. And, lastly," Spock continued before one of the Admirals had a chance to continue talking out of his open mouth, "you have now listed Ensign Sanderson twice in your list of those leaving; given firstly that there is one, and secondly that the young Ensign was given a highly sought-after research position she has been attempting to acquire, I must assume that this exercise is in futility and, in Terran colloquialism, showing your hand, for I have spoken to several of the men and women you claim are seeking out a safer work environment, and it has come to my attention that Starfleet has come to offer the crewmembers of the Enterprise positions within the Fleet that would normally be filled by _other members_ of the Fleet before reaching them." 

Leonard stiffened, looking at Spock with something close to the admiration he'd first felt for the green-blooded hobgoblin dragging Kirk in front of that academic review. Leonard stopped himself from reaching over to Jim; but he was powerless to stop the smirk from spreading over his features. "Gentlemen, I believe you've been outfoxed by a Vulcan." 

"Lieutenant Commander McCoy, I would not take that tone with the men in this room. It is up to us who goes into the black, and you have a trial to face for the ethical ramifications of your serum and the withholding of it." 

"Admirals, if you keep him grounded, you'd best intend for me to stay grounded as well. And if you lay him up, you'd best be warned that I can and will take this past you; past the Fleet if necessary. Doctor McCoy has every right to be retiscent of this establishment, or need I go into the details regarding the seizure and misuse of Montgomery Scott's trans-warp formula yet again?" 

"Because Doctor McCoy's intentions are so much more admirable than ours, Captain?"

"Before you argue that he is withholding the serum and therefore sentencing others dying of radiation to go to their deaths with a cure in reach, let me remind you that the serum is _experimental_. I am the trial run, Admirals; we do not yet know what the full reaching consequences of this will be. Even centuries ago, there were trials for new drugs and vaccines. Consider me to be one until we know exactly what happens in years from now. You, gentlemen, may be able to spin my crew leaving me; but I can sure as heck spin the Starfleet command seizing a potentially unstable medicine from one of my people to be used as they see fit. Now, I don't know about you, but due to Admiral Marcus's involvement in the happenings of the Khan fiasco, I would say that public belief in the Fleet may have dwindled, whereas belief in me, Admirals, has never been more steadfast." 

McCoy's fingers twitched, his lips tugging, but he stayed steady. "Captain Kirk is correct: we've yet to establish a full medical work-up of every possible side-effect: For starters, Kirk's blood pressure has been lowered to the point that if he is not medicated every four hours, his extremities will lose blood flow severely enough to cause damage. Now, I don't know yet if that's from the irradiation, or if it's a side-effect of the serum, and the fact is that without access to medical facilities and care, there's a good chance that Jim would slip into a coma or worse." 

"Why on earth would you think we'd allow you to go into the black, knowing that?" 

"Because Jim Kirk is the best captain Starfleet has ever had; and because you'll be sending me with him. There is no one on Earth or in the stars I would trust Jim's care to--" 

"There's no one on Earth or in the stars I'd trust my own care to besides Bones, so your hands are rather tied." Jim cut in. "If Admiral Marcus's fears were justified, sir, there is no one you need in the black more than me." 

"One captain will not make a difference--" 

"Sir, before you say that one captain will not make a difference in a war, we are discussing the captain who, when Vulcan called for aid, got himself smuggled aboard, and figured out not only that we were headed into an ambush. This is the captain who led the men and women under his command to the salvation of Earth; who then carried on to save the lives of everyone on his ship for a second time by taking Admiral Marcus's ship before he could deal a killing blow to the Enterprise--" 

"Setting aside, Commander Spock, that during the course of action that stayed that killing blow, he let loose a mad man he knew to have murdered most of the commanding officers in Starfleet." 

"Khan helped me save my crew, Admirals. Evil madman or no, presented a chance to save my crew, I was prepared to stake my life and my safety to save them; just as I was prepared to throw my life away in its entirety to realign the warp core. Khan was an adversary I underestimated; just the way that Marcus did, to both Khan and myself." Jim looked around the room with bright, unstoppable eyes, "Would you have sentenced my crew to death in order for me to have kept Khan in my custody?" 

"It would have saved the lives of everyone who died in the crash!" 

"That's completely debatable." Spock told them flatly, "I feel it is unnecessary, however, to go into the debate of it." 

It was another hour before they were finally released from the meeting, and Jim hissed as he got up from the chair, McCoy glancing down at his hands surreptiously before ushering them out of there faster. He produced the hypo from his pocket, injecting Jim as gently as he could. "We gotta start working on exercises, Jim; there's gotta be a way to increase your circulation." Jim raised an eyebrow, pushing into his space, and Leonard threw him a scowl. "Not like that." 

Jim gave him the signature Kirk pout, "Why not, Bonesy?" 

"Because with your heart the way it is, Jim, I don't know what it would do to you!" Bones hissed, "And second to you dropping dead in front of my six-year-old is you dropping dead in the middle of sex." 

Jim grinned, shaking his head, "Then let's go get some lunch, and we'll see what we can do about figuring my heart out."

"Somehow, I doubt it'll take the amount of time you want it to in order to figure your heart out, sly." 

"Bonesy, you injure me with your words," Jim muttered, and McCoy smirked, stealing a kiss to his cheek, "but kisses make everything better, yes, continue." 

Chuckling snidely, Bones shook his head at him, striding away, knowing full well that Jim would keep up. Once they were far enough away for prying eyes to catch it, Leonard slid his hand into Jim's, squeezing his hand softly and trying to cover as much of Jim's hand as he could with his own, willing warmth into him. Jim sighed softly, stepping closer as they got even further away from Starfleet, until his side was pressed against Leonard's, Leonard's arm wrapped around him. "How would you feel about mittens and a hat? Hell, I'll even get my ma to knit 'em if you'll just agree to wear 'em." 

Jim laughed, tucking himself into Bones with both arms, "Fingerless gloves and no pom-poms anywhere." 

"Your fingers are the coldest part of you." McCoy grumbled. 

"I need them free, Bones, and you know it." Jim laughed. He pulled Leonard impossibly closer, reaching up and stroking his fingers down Leonard's jaw, kissing him leisurely. Leonard shivered as those fingers skirted around his neck, palm flat against his shoulders to bring them flush. "Let's go home, so we can get out of the monkey suits and make out like teenagers." 

"Infant." Leonard snorted, ignoring the rush of lust Jim's dark, warm voice was sending through him. 

Jim grinned lopsidedly, his eyes hooded, "Kiss me again." 

Leonard growled, lip curling slightly before he all-out attacked Jim's mouth with his own. Jim seemed caught off guard, even with the demand he'd made. Jim hummed, tightening his arms around Leonard in a luxurious hug. Leonard grinned at the blissed out look on Jim's face, pecking a kiss to his eyebrow, his temple, then along his jaw before capturing his lips again. Leonard ran his fingers through Jim's hair, rubbing his thumb behind his ear, illiciting a moan. Jim;s nose was cold against his cheek, moving to nuzzle under his jaw as Leonard broke the kiss, slow and sweet. Jim brushed his lips over Leonard's neck, breathing deep the scent of him; clean, woodsy, and relaxing. Leonard dislodged Jim from his neck, kissing his nose and grumbling about it as he hugged Jim close again. Jim tucked his face against his shoulder, smiling shyly, and trying to hide it. 

"Those bastards don't know a thing about you or your crew, Jim." Leonard murmured, voice rough. 

He could feel Jim's fingers tighten in the back of his shirt, "Yeah, but they know what buttons to press, don't they?" 

"Jim, you took me to the black. You showed me that I could fly, without fear or alcohol--though the latter still helps from time to time. You pulled a goddamn miracle, man, and no one past your crew will ever know how much of a miracle you are--which is a damned shame. And not to go inflating your ego further, but I turned them down." 

"...What?" Jim pulled away from him, looking quizzical, as if he hadn't known that Leonard would receive the same kinds of offers the rest of the crew was receiving. 

"They offered me my old clinic back. As well as several others. I told them to stick it. I'll go into the black for the rest of my days if it means being with you, and no damn job on terra is going to keep me from that." 

Jim's smile was blinding, looking at him like a miracle. It was a kick to the chest for Leonard, to be looked at like that at all, let alone by Jim Kirk. Leonard moved his hands to curve around Jim's jaw, laughing as he brought him in for a kiss. 

Leonard could feel the jump of Jim's heart against his chest, the wild happiness blazing under his skin. Getting almost light-headed just through contact high, Leonard could only pull him in tight, kissing his hair. "I can't believe you pulled the golden-boy-of-the-universe card on them, Jim. I didn't think that one would even come into play." 

"It's been the only thing keeping you out of some black-ops interrogation room, Bones." 

Leonard's eyes went wide, his mouth dropping open, "Jim..." 

"Bones, it's okay." 

"No, it's not, Jim! What are we supposed to do against a machine like Starfleet? You're fighting something impossible to beat..." 

"Call me David."

"This Goliath isn't going to go down so easy," gripping Jim's shoulders in his hands, Leonard looked harried and pale, his eyes bugging. 

"Bones, I'm not the only David against their Goliath." 

"Jim--" 

"I have you and the crew, Bones: you make me strong. With you at my back, Goliath is no match." 

"Sap." 

"Ruin the moment all you want; you're still what keeps me going." Jim laughed.

"Sickening, over-sweet, choking sap." 

"Just wait 'til Valentine's Day, old troll: you're going to _love_ me." 

Bones scowled, a curl of dread starting in his chest at the possibility of just what Jim could come up with for a day like Valentine's. "I already do love you, you brat." Jim startled slightly, and Leonard snorted, "Kid, you take a grumpy old asshat like me off the ground and turn me into some goddamn miracle worker up in the black; give me a day with my daughter that neither of us will ever forget; and have faith and love for your crew to the point that you're downright stupid for a boy wonder, and of course I love you: I'd like to meet the bastard who'd think he couldn't."

Jim caught his wrist before he could pull away and get into their transport, blue eyes big, "Bones, I love you, too." 

In that moment, Jim was so open and vulnerable to him; his blue eyes brimming, features laid open looking at Leonard in the half-light of a cloudy day. Leonard's heart seized, his instincts reaching for Jim before he could see another crack. "We're going into the black together, Jim; you're not getting rid of me." 

Jim swallowed, "But..." 

"Jim, you're not losing me. Get that through your thick skull." 

Jim smiled, the corners of his mouth twitching as he looked at Leonard, "You're a damned miracle, McCoy." 

Leonard raised his brows, unimpressed, grumbling, "I know."


	3. No Light In Your Bright Blue Eyes

They each had days that neither of them were strictly even allowed to go looking for the other: well, when they were in the Academy, they'd had those days. 

Jim had his birthday, because of his father's death; Leonard had his anniversary; Jim had the day the bastard Frank first came into his life; Leonard had his dad's death day. It was split up like that, and though more often than not they would find each other for these days, there was one in particular on Jim's side that he'd never explained to Leonard, and never came to him for. Leonard didn't really question it; it was something that neither of them really needed to push, because they both got what it was like to have a day that could suck your whole world into. The problem was: they were together now, and Jim still hadn't told him what that one day meant, what the day that drove him down further than any of their days put together could possibly be. 

Of course, having lunch with Uhura wasn't meant to be the action that shone a light on what was going on. 

He'd mentioned it in passing that Jim was disappeared, like he was on this day every year, and the hobgoblin heard him; the hobgoblin poked his head in.

"Doctor, I believe you are aware that today marks the anniversary of the opening shots of the massacre that occurred on Tarsus IV?"

"Uh, I was aware of that, but I don't see--" 

"The captain's past is well-guarded, doctor, but as you are in a relationship with him, I believe it best that you know, as Uhura knows my darkest day, that Captain Kirk was one of the child prodigies on Tarsus IV during the massacre." 

Leonard was bowled over. He sat there, in Uhura and Spock's apartment, at their small dining table, with his mouth hanging open and his eyes gone wide; Uhura not much better off. 

"While I assume he has reasons for having kept you in the dark, doctor, I believe it best if you know. As it is, I only know because Captain Kirk requested of me that every year on this day, I would take over command for him, just as I ask him that on the anniversary of Vulcan's annihilation, he refrain from calling upon me." 

"He was on Tarsus?" Images of reports and statements of the survivors of Tarsus flashed through Leonard's head; doctor's notes made concerning the struggle of the survivors in the aftermath mixing with things that Jim had said and done that had just lingered in the back of his mind, waiting for him to see them and realize. "Nyota, lunch was lovely, but--" 

"Go." She urged, her eyes wide. She turned to Spock as he raced out of the apartment, and Leonard knew that there was no way in hell Spock was going to get out of this one without being reprimanded for something. 

Leonard wasn't entirely sure where Jim would go: if he'd be in the apartment he and Leonard were sharing while avoiding Starfleet, or if he'd be getting unbelievably drunk somewhere in the city. With a twist of dread, Leonard hoped that where ever it was, Jim hadn't gone alone and he'd had the sense to take his meds with him. Leonard couldn't bring himself to comm him, not until he'd made sure Jim had actually left the flat; until he had a real reason to impose himself into the day that Jim always took for himself. 

Leonard ran into the turbo lift of their apartment without even noticing the woman riding up with him until they both got off on the same level, and headed for the same apartment. Leonard caught a look at her as she turned to knock on his apartment door, and his mouth fell open again. "Mrs. Kirk?" He asked quietly, just as Jim opened the door. 

Winona Kirk looked back at Leonard, startled, and Jim looked for his mother to his lover with haunted eyes. "Mom, this is Leonard McCoy; Bones, this is my mother, Winona Kirk." 

"You-You're the one that saved Jim's life!" 

"Yes, ma'am." 

"Bones, is everything okay?" Jim asked as Leonard shook his mother's hand. "You look like that time we got separated during Mardi Gras in New Orleans." 

"I...uh. Jim, Spock told me...what today is." 

Jim nodded, his eyes darker than usual as Winona turned back to her son. "I wasn't sure I'd told you or not." Jim moved back, letting them both come in, but hugging Bones instead of hugging his mother. "Sorry, I--" 

"I get it." Leonard breathed, hugging a little tighter than strictly appropriate, but Jim was cold against him, and Leonard couldn't stop himself from doing the check-over. 

"I'm only just not due, another half hour." Jim muttered, eyes steady. 

"You're having trouble with your circulation?" Winona asked dispassionately. McCoy turned hazel eyes on her, and he knew that for as much as this woman had given him the miracle that was Jim Kirk, she was also one of the many reasons why Jim was scared of being with him; of being left by him. 

"One of the side-effects of dying." Jim answered softly, "So, why the surprise visit, mom?" 

Winona looked from her son to his lover, her grey-blue eyes nowhere near Jim's perfect sky-blue colours. "I heard you were out of the hospital." 

There was something closed off about Jim's face as soon as she said that; the look in his eyes sending a dart of unease though Leonard. He figured he could guess why: Jim had been in hospital for a month before they'd been able to release him, and Leonard had looked it up himself, Winona had been planetside that entire time, but had never come to see her son. Where Jim's brother Sam had been ready to lose his posting in Deneva to see his little brother, Winona Kirk hadn't apparently cared that her son was in the hospital. 

"I-uh...I was making lunch, so your timing is good. Come in." Jim managed, though he didn't seem to be willing to say the words any more than Leonard wanted to hear them with regards to Jim's mother. 

"If there's something else going on today..." Winona trailed off, and McCoy looked up at her sharply, untrusting. Did she really not know? It was a day that was burned into her son's mind forever, did she not know what day it was? 

"It's personal," Jim told her with an air of dismissing the subject, "but it's nothing that can't wait."

McCoy watched him saunter into the kitchen, something curling in his chest that Kirk could have something so devastating be personal, and kept from his mother. "I've been worried about you...hearing what you two did to reverse the radiation." Jim met Leonard's eye over the bar separating the kitchen from the open floor plan of the apartment. "And the science of it is a little lost on me. A serum concocted from superhuman blood?" 

"Bones is the brilliant one there: The cell replication rate of the subject was faster than anything, so he first tested injecting the blood of the patient into a deceased tribble. When it came alive again, Bones knew he could synthesize a serum that would regenerate my irradiated tissue and bring me back." Leonard wanted to be horrified that Winona had no reaction to the implication that Jim had, in fact, died, when his own reaction was such a sharp, twisting kick that it made him want to startle like a new colt from the topic and anything that would bring that memory to the fore. "By the time I'd realigned the core, there was literally nothing that could medically be done to save my life, but Bones makes miracles." 

Jim met Bones's eye, telling him something vital if Bones could read him as well as he thought he could. They hadn't talked about the fact that Jim had called for Spock instead of his CMO in the radiation chamber, even for as much as it hurt. And now, Jim had told Spock about Tarsus, and hadn't bothered to tell him. 

It was small beans; a poor consolation. Bones knew that there was more to it than that, and he knew that he was going to hear it all, now that there was something to drag it out. "Well, Doctor McCoy, thank you." Winona shook his hand again, and Bones nodded stiffly. 

"Jim," Bones muttered, catching sight Jim's hand shaking on the handle of a pot, "we should treat, we can do it earlier, and this way we won't have to interrupt lunch." 

"You're the boss." Jim demurred, inclining his head like he was bowing. Leonard went to the bathroom, retrieving the hypo from where Jim kept it if he wasn't going out. Jim met him halfway back to the kitchen, out of sight of Winona, and pulled him into a soft, careful kiss that was over too quickly if McCoy had anything to say about it.

"Does she...?" 

Jim nodded, breathing against Leonard's mouth in panicked hitches, "She knows." 

"Not about us, about your being..." 

"At Tarsus? Of course she knows." Jim whispered, bringing him into another kiss and groaning into it as Leonard blindly but gently pressed the hypo to his neck, "I meant to tell you, I'm sorry." He breathed. "I just...It was suddenly there, that first year, and I couldn't deal with it as quickly as I wanted to...I'd thought I'd told you, all these years, I thought you knew." 

"Jim..." 

"No, I'm a damned idiot, Bones, you're the one person I'd even want to tell. Spock figured it out, damn him; when I asked him to take over command for me once a year, he figured out what happened, and I didn't have the energy to come up with a lie." 

"Hey." Leonard caught Jim's head between his hands, looking into his eyes, "You don't need to lie to your second in command; and even if you didn't think that I knew, you wouldn't have to tell me." 

"Bones, when I called him and not you, it's because I knew that if I called you, you wouldn't listen to Scotty about the radiation in the chamber. You're just as bad as I am when it comes to saving lives." Jim took a breath, "And I knew that he could see me, he could handle it: I knew it'd hurt you so badly, Bones, and I couldn't..." 

"Okay." Leonard breathed, dashing away tears not falling from Jim's eyes and pulling Jim into a hug that could either crush them both or meld them together. "I love you." 

"I love you, too." 

"Okay?" 

Jim nodded, kneading at his hands instead of sticking them down Leonard's neck, an action that made Leonard catch them and hold them as they reappeared to Kirk's mother, talking in hushed tones on her comm. 

"Why didn't you tell me your mom was coming?" Bones whispered too low for Winona to hear. 

"I didn't know until after you left this morning, Bones." It was the truth, Bones could read that, but he could also read a warning not to get into it, shining in Jim's eyes with it. 

"So you two are together." Winona turned, and Jim glanced away from Bones. 

"We are, yes." 

"Congratulations to you both." Winona smiled. 

Leonard smiled back, scowling at Jim as he waggled his eyebrows in Leonard's direction and winked. "Oh, Bones! You can you put the hypo back so I can find it later?" Leonard jerked slightly, remembering that it was in his pocket, and he retraced his steps to set it where it belonged. 

"Jim, you organized something. My world's turned on its axis: night has become day." Winona muttered sardonically. Leonard said nothing about Jim having organized even him, instead walking over to help Jim with the food. 

Jim could cook the bachelor's version of cooking--or maybe closer to the college student's, but McCoy wasn't about to break it to him--so the meal was simple and hearty: hot vegetable soup to appease Bones of Jim's vitamin intake and to bring a warmth back to Jim's extremities, and bread fresh from a baker nearby. It was a damn good meal, eaten primarily in silence that was beginning to chafe. 

Jim cleared his throat when he emptied his bowl, looking up at his mother, "Why are you here, mom?" 

"Jim, I--" 

"Sam nearly abandoned his posting to come see me in the hospital; most of my crew refused to go back to their families until I was released from hospital. Please don't pretend you're here for me." 

Winona Kirk's eyes turned cold, hard; the storm of a mother who thought herself unloved. Leonard stiffened, trying to get himself ready for something he had no idea how to stop. "We shouldn't be having this conversation in front of strangers--" 

"Bones is not a stranger, mom. He's...I love him. Crazy, stupid kind of loving him. He's part of my family--one of the most important parts. He's here right now because he found out the worst part of my past, and he didn't want to leave me alone if I'd let him stay. Bones takes care of me, mom. He's not a stranger." 

Leonard stood under the piercing gaze of Kirk's mother, unflinching. "I was asked...to come check up on you. But, baby, I was worried about you--" 

"Mom, if it's a status report you want, then the two side-effects thus far from what happened are lowered blood pressure and night terrors that have brought occasion for Doctor McCoy to sleep in the same room as me, in order to prevent myself from doing harm to myself or others. I'd ask if you remember when I used to have night terrors as a kid, but I don't want to think about how gone you were for most of my youth." Jim replied, voice hard, "So it would be fair to say that the terrors would have less to do with the serum and more to do with what happened to me." 

Winona's beautiful face closed off, and McCoy reached for her son's hand under the table. "Ma'am, I've been making weekly reports--" 

"They wanted to know if there was something going on that wasn't disclosed in the reports." Winona cut him off. 

Jim's hand squeezed his under the table, a sign of panic that Leonard hadn't marked down the night terrors or the sleeping arrangements. Truth was, he had; there was nothing to worry about, and nothing, really, to do about it. Similar sleep disorders weren't uncommon, and going into the black would just mean a slight change in the system to the door of the Captain's quarters; hell, if need be, Leonard would put in another bed and they would room as they had in the Academy--or, rather, Leonard would put in another bed, sleep with Jim in his, and the appearance that they were rooming as they had in the Academy would be kept up. 

"My reports have been complete." Leonard replied easily, his dark eyes steady, "I hope your own report will reflect that." 

Jim turned his head away from his mother, looking to the other side of the apartment in silence that felt stony and painful. 

When Winona was gone, Leonard turned to Jim, pulling him in tight and burying his face in Jim's hair. He shuffled them blindly towards the couch, sitting in a tangle of limbs with his mouth kissing the skin under Jim's ear and his hands gripping Jim's clothes hard enough that his knuckles were white. 

"Bones..." Jim sighed, gripping right back. Urging his face down, Jim kissed him with all the feeling in his body, erasing everything bit by bit until it was just them, their legs tangled and their mouths locked in a kiss that made Leonard feel breathless. Jim brought Leonard's head down, resting his ear against Jim's heart as they caught their breath, "I'm so sorry. I fucked up--" 

"Darlin', it's okay." Bones murmured, "I should've known the green-blooded hobgoblin woulda figured it out rather than you telling him.You and I have been best friends for years, and we know we both need our space sometimes." Pressing kisses over Jim's face, Leonard pressed himself against Jim tight. "Jim, you and your mama..." 

A shadow crossed over Jim's features, and Leonard squeezed him gently. "It's always...always been like that. I look like him...when I was young, I looked like him so much that she could barely stand the sight of me. Tarsus was an opportunity...and Frank and I didn't get along--"

"Frank was abusive and a dick, I've seen your medical records." Leonard reminded him. He sighed, something dawning, "The redacted bit...that was Tarsus. I'd thought it was a juvenile offence that was sealed from the records." 

Jim snorted, "I was a young delinquent, but there was nothing I did that would've been redacted." 

"Did Pike know?" 

Jim nodded, his eyes closed, "Pike sent paperwork through the Academy to excuse me from the Tarsus lectures, because from what I've heard, I wouldn't have made it through them." 

Leonard remembered the stir, ages ago now, that had been brought up when Tarsus had been covered in their year: remembered Jim muttering angrily that the bastard that had handled such a tender subject so horrifically had no right to be lecturing at all. "Did you go through them anyway?" Jim didn't answer, which was answer enough for Bones, "Talk to me, Jim." 

"I just remember...I remember the fear. I remember trying so hard to be brave and to know what to do, and being so scared that what I was trying to do would get us killed. ...I knew if we stayed in the complex, we'd be killed anyway, and I was told I was right once we were rescued, but...it was something that haunted me, the possibility that I'd led kids like me or younger into running, when staying put would've meant safety." Jim swallowed thickly, taking a shaky breath, "I remember the hunger, too. There were little ones with us, and they didn't understand...why we needed to ration the food, to make sure we had enough. I...I'd go without, so that the little ones didn't get in trouble with the others for having eaten more than their share. I remember feeling so hungry I wanted to be sick, pushing myself to keep going until I couldn't any more, and then eating just a little. I remember making up stories for the little ones, to stop them from making noise when they were scared and we were in the middle of the massacre." 

Bones wrapped his long, strong hands around Jim's as they shook, wrapping himself around Jim as much as he physically could, a sound of pain in the back of his throat. Jim tucked his face into Leonard's neck, breathing him in for a long time. 

"Bones, can we...Would you mind lying down with me? I feel sick--" 

Leonard covered Jim's words with his mouth, leaning their foreheads together once Jim stopped trying to talk. "Of course, Jim." 

They got up and headed for Jim's bedroom, Leonard undoing buttons on his shirt and shrugging out of his clothes. Jim's breath caught when he turned and saw that, a thankful glint in his eye as he did the same, sliding forward once they were down to their underwear and kissing Leonard full and deep. He made no more move to take it further, though; sliding into bed and opening his arms for him. Leonard brought the blankets up around them, keeping his weight on his hands as he bent to kiss Jim over and over again. 

Leonard sighed, passing a hand over Jim's chest as he laid down, moving into his throat and kissing the line of Jim's tendon. He skirted his nose over the line of Jim's jaw, smiling as he moved up to Jim's lips. 

"You know, I did actually mean to lay down and sleep, Bones." Jim rumbled, his voice laughing, "But this is better." 

Jim kissed from Leonard's lips to his ear, biting the lobe gently with a wicked smile. Neither of them were willing to take it all the way to sex yet, but it was something in the warmth of kissing each other swollen and flushed that went past physical pleasure, and into heady comfort. Leonard tangled their legs together, reaching for Jim's hand and bringing it to his mouth. Jim groaned as Leonard pressed loose kisses to his knuckles, sliding his long fingers between Kirk's and teasing the sensitive webbing between them. 

"I've always loved your hands." Jim moaned, "You have no idea, Bones." 

Leonard laughed huskily, kissing the pulse in Jim's wrist. "No, I think I know." 

Jim laughed back, passing a hand through Leonard's hair, rubbing blunt nails over his scalp lazily. Rumbling, Leonard kissed him again, letting go of his hand to frame Jim between his arms, trailing his fingers over the pale skin of his side. "This feels good, Bones. Being here with you feels like more than I ever could've asked for." 

"You were a hero in Tarsus, Jim: you've always been a hero. I don't know what you want with a mean old troll like me." 

Jim chuckled, his smile blinding in the half-light peeking through the windows, "I want you, Bones. You're all I've ever wanted." 

Bones faked gagging, and Jim burst into laughter. They settled down, brushing hands over each other's skin and toying with fingers as they inched closer to sleep. Bones watched the blue eyes close and listened as Jim's breathing steadied and dropped into sleep, waiting until he was in deep before brushing his fingers over the pale lavender of his eyelids, the lax warmth of his lower lip. "One day, I'm going to have you to myself long enough to memorize you. I want to figure out everything, take my time learning every sound I can get from your throat. I love you, sweetheart. So much. Thank you for surviving long enough to get to me."


	4. Arms Race

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit where it's due: User redford helped me out with this one. I hadn't considered what McCoy's dad's death meant in fallout. Thank you to redford, and everyone else commenting.

"This isn't a trial, it's a witch hunt!" Nyota bit off, her eyes blazing angrily as she threw herself into the seat next to Leonard. Spock much more daintily sat across the table from them, next to Scotty, and Leonard half-wished that it could've kept that it was just him and the engineer. "Are you alright, Len?" 

"'M fine, Nyota, thanks." 

"Doctor, if I may inquire, where is Jim?" Spock asked politely. 

"We were just discussing tha'." 

Leonard shot Scotty a look, but took a deep breath, raising his beer to his lips, "I haven't see him all day. He was gone when I woke up this morning, just a note saying good luck on my coffee cup." 

Nyota's brow furrowed, "I'm sorry, Leonard." 

"Nah, Nyota: I believe 's a matter more of Jim actin' the white knight. Why else would 'e've left so blinkin' early?" 

"Five in the morning." Leonard muttered by way of elaboration. "I don't see how he could be playing the white knight, Scott: especially since he's living, breathing evidence in the charges brought against me." 

"A damned ethics board..." Scott growled, "I'd like to see 'em act ethically with Jim Kirk on the line." 

Leonard's lips quirked, his hazel eyes glinting with the truth in those words, "To our idiot captain." 

"An' to the best damn CMO our idiot captain coul' ever ask for!" Scotty countered the toast, grinning as Nyota laughed, clinking her glass against his. 

Leonard snorted, shaking his head as he let his glass be clinked with the others', "I just hope the damned infant isn't getting himself hurt." 

It was two hours later before Leonard had an answer, stumbling into the apartment under the weight of an incredibly drunken Scotsman to find an empty apartment...and a gossip page pulled up on his PADD. 

Leonard's heart didn't know whether to drop or leap to his throat, his hands shaking as he threw the PADD into the wall, the pieces shattering in the silent apartment even though it was nowhere near satisfying enough. Scotty didn't stir from his makeshift bed on the couch, so Leonard just fell into a seat at the kitchen table, his head hung and his hands shaking with rage that threatened to kill him. Splashed across the header had been 'Starfleet Hero Doctor McCoy Kills Father'. Leonard wanted to be sick: he wanted to tear his hair out. He wanted to be dead, it'd be better than whatever fallout came next. 

He didn't know how the tabloids had found out, but it was easy enough to guess, given the ethics review. 

The door to the apartment opened quietly, but McCoy didn't even look up, fighting a losing battle not to throw things until everything was destroyed. 

Jim knelt down in front of him, looking up, and McCoy had never seen Jim's eyes look the way they did. "Bones--" 

"No." 

Jim sighed quietly, straightening up without getting off his knees, wrapping his arms around Leonard as much as he could. "Bones." 

Leonard choked, flinching away from the kindness in those arms, even for as much as he wanted to break down in them. 

"You can hit me if you want to, Bones, but I won't be letting you go any time soon." 

"You...were robbed of a chance to have your dad...why aren't you angry?" 

"Because I know you, Bones. I know that you hate the day your dad died so much that it wasn't your choice to do it." 

"You should be--" 

"Angry? Leonard, look at me," Jim urged, tilting his face up, "all I am is glad I got here before anything worse than your PADD could be thrown. I got you a new one, by the way, but I'm not letting you near it until your hands stop shaking. What you saw hasn't and won't be published: a reporter sent it to me to get my reaction before it could go to print, and I stopped it from happening. 'S where I've been all day."

Jim took Leonard's shaking hands, pressing them against his cheeks and looking up at him with a guttural kind of worry in his eyes. "H-How did you stop it?" 

"I gave them a better story." Jim whispered, leaning their foreheads together, "Leonard Horatio McCoy, I love you. I will love you no matter what." 

Jim looked downright pained, pulling on Leonard's hands. He stood up, tugging at Bones until they were in the bedroom, yanking him in and covering his mouth with his own. Jim held onto Leonard's hair, just this side of painfully tight. Leonard sobbed into the kiss, shaking as Jim unclenched his fingers, running his fist down Leonard's back and pulling him in tighter. Gripping his biceps through Jim's shirt, Leonard tried to kiss back, to keep up: his heart aching in his chest with the way Jim was kissing him, love so ardent and brash that it hurt. 

"You taste like whiskey, Bones." Jim chuckled, letting him breathe, "You were so fucking beautiful on that shuttle, and you already disapproved. I know you: I know you take care of people, whether you like them or not, but when you love them...fuck, Bones, when you love who you're taking care of, it's like you heal with a goddamned touch." 

"Jim," Leonard managed before Jim was kissing him again, deeper, his hands on Leonard's hips now, "I-I hate myself for what I--" 

"Bones," Jim muttered, lifting Leonard's hand and putting it against his chest, "what you did was not your fault. The beat under your hand right now, it's only here because of you. You saved me, you saved Pike--shit, Bones, you saved the world. If it wasn't for you, I never would've had the chance. I know you didn't kill your father, Bones. Not like you think; not like the damn report said. You didn't, because you're not that man. You're the man who'd help someone he loves no matter what: I know it was a mercy for your father. He was sick, Bones--and it doesn't matter that the cure was found. It doesn't. Because he was dying, and he asked you for help before he could be put through any more pain. Before he could suffer any further. You're a hero, Bones. More than me, more than any one else--you're a hero. My hero, and Joanna's. Sulu and Uhura's. You help us. You save us. You saved him, Bones. And don't for a second think that you didn't." 

Bones let out a low, agonizing sound, and Jim just littered kisses over his face, pulling him into a hug. Leonard didn't want to cry on him; didn't think he deserved to be comforted, let alone told he was a hero from Jim's mouth. Jim knew heroics: he was steadfast and true. He was the world's hero. And here he was, holding Leonard McCoy, the son that killed his dying father instead of being strong, and just waiting until the cure was found. 

"Do you know how much I love you?" 

"I don't deserve it." 

Jim kissed him, "Look at me! You wanted me to be angry, I am fucking angry--but I'm not angry at you, Bones! I'm angry at the fucking reporters; I'm angry at whatever pissant told them; I'm angry...I'm angry that you were asked to do something that's changed you so much...I'm angry at the world, because your dad had to ask you. You saved a man, Bones; you saved a man by taking his life. We both know you did. Because living through his sickness was something that would've killed him slow. Bones, I've faced death down, you know I have. I died, and it only took a few minutes, but they were...they hurt more than I can tell you. They were pain enough. I kept a brave face, sure. I was relieved when it stopped, Bones. When I got far enough gone that I couldn't feel it anymore, I was so damn relieved. And as long as I'm alive, I won't ever let it happen that you know what that's like, but if...if it'd been slower...I wouldn't--I couldn't have made it. I couldn't have come back, even with a cure. I would've taken death over that much pain, in a heartbeat, because lasting longer than those few minutes would've broken me in a way I'm not sure you could've fixed. Do you hear me?" 

"Y-Yes." Leonard choked, and they were both crying now, Jim's face stark with desperation. "Jim." 

Jim crashed into his arms, tucking his face in Leonard's neck as Leonard broke in his arms, the both of them falling to the floor. Leonard had thought that he'd gotten all his tears out years ago: he was wrong. 

Hours later, Jim carefully got him standing and into bed, bringing him something to drink before wresting his boots off, running his fingers through Leonard's dark hair until Leonard sighed, his eyes long since slipped shut, and rolled over into sleep. 

The next morning, Bones woke with a headache more from crying than the hangover; Jim's side of the bed empty, but the smell of coffee and food in the air. Dragging himself upright, Bones made his way out to see a Scotsman cursing his lover out for his choice in hangover food, the grease making Scotty look green around the gills even as Jim coaxed him to eat it and it made him better. Jim smiled, looking up at him, before picking up a PADD that was so undented and unscratched it had to be Leonard's new one, a cup of juice in the other hand to help with the headache before coffee could be introduced. 

Leonard tried to smile back, but it didn't quite take--Jim kissed him good morning anyways, handing him the PADD once he'd taken a drink of juice. 

Leonard's juice nearly squirted out of his nose as he looked down at the headline in the familiar font of the tabloid: 'Starfleet Hero James T. Kirk Goes Naked to Raise Awareness: a map of his scars and his take on child abuse inside'.


	5. Force of Nature

Leonard was there when Winona called her son in a rage; he was there when Sam and Jim got into an interstellar shouting match about what all James T. Kirk had revealed to keep the wolves from getting to Leonard. He was there when Uhura grabbed Kirk and hugged him so tight Kirk had trouble breathing. He brought Jim into a call to Joanna with him, and listened to his little girl cry for her hero; listened to his little girl's hero tell her it was all worth it, all better, because he was with her daddy now, and that was worth anything. 

Leonard was there when the day after was done, and it'd only been one day. Jim collapsed against his side, closing his eyes and slipping their hands together. "You okay?" 

Leonard stirred at the sound of Jim's voice, his brain short-circuting for a moment because Jim was asking _him_ if he was okay. "After the day you've had, you want to ask me if I'm okay?" 

Jim shrugged, moving his head slightly and rearranging himself so that he could slip his face against Leonard's throat, breathing him in. "I know what kind of day I had, I just wanted to make sure that you're okay with what I did. That you're not mad at me." 

"Why in the hell would I be mad at you?" 

Jim shrugged again, his breathing slowing down against Leonard's throat, "I let myself be photographed naked...caused all this trouble...you've been with me all day, Bones, you had to put up with--" 

"Jim, even if I had it in me right now to be mad, you wouldn't be the one I'd be mad at. Your mother, maybe. Probably not Sam, considering you two made up. But you? Hell no. Jim," Leonard's voice, for the first time that day, cracked under the weight of what Jim had done for him, and Jim extracted himself from Leonard's throat, looking at him with worried blue eyes. Leonard smoothed over his cheek, pulling him in for a soft kiss, barely even an echo of the kisses they'd shared before. 

_'To me, neglect is just the same as outright abuse. When you know that someone you love doesn't care if you come home at all, it stops mattering if you do something stupid enough to get killed or not.'_

Leonard pulled Jim in, tucking his face back into the spot that Jim seemed to love to nuzzle, his arms tight around Jim's frame. He didn't want to move him, but Jim needed sleep, and the couch they were sitting on was comfortable enough, but not for two fully grown men, and Leonard had no intention of letting Jim go even a little. 

_'My crew was the first real taste of unconditional love I ever got: Montgomery Scott and I are like brothers; Nyota Uhura's my disapproving older sister, and it keeps me honest; but my CMO, Leonard McCoy, he's the driving force behind my captaincy, he keeps me fighting--I know with him that the way I felt when I was younger, that I was expendable in the worst way, is bullshit. I'm here because my family believes in me now. Because the actions Leonard McCoy took saved my life. Because Scott wanted to sacrifice himself to be in my place in nearly dying. Because Spock and Uhura were strong enough to help McCoy save my skin.'_

"I want to see those scars, Jim." Leonard murmured, looking at him from under his lashes, a sadness in his features that made Jim swallow. 

"Alright." Jim sighed, taking Leonard's hand and leading him into the bedroom. Jim stripped down, all business efficiency, and Leonard's breath was stuck in his throat just from the way Jim was stripping himself. There was no bravado, no walls: Jim was laying himself bare by way of more than nudity. Jim turned to him, his eyes shadowed and dark in a way that made Leonard's heart ache. 

Jim stood there, silent, staring at Leonard staring at him. 

_'If I was suddenly able to go back, to meet my younger self...I wouldn't tell him to avoid this or that, I wouldn't try to change him, because what I would do is tell him that it gets better. It does. He just has to get to being me before it really starts to.'_

"Bones--" 

Leonard held up a hand, his heart pounding in his ears as he looked over the skin that he hadn't really taken stock of in all the times he'd seen it. "Lay down, Jim. I want...Tell me the stories yourself, please." 

"Okay." Jim whispered, doing as he was told. Leonard slid out of his boots, wresting off his layers until he was in his undershirt and pants, climbing onto the bed with Jim. He put his mouth over a scar on Jim's shoulder, a knot of white tissue curled into the freckle-dappled skin. "I was seven...Frank was angry at me because I hadn't done all my chores and my homework. He pushed me, and there was a raised nail in the doorframe, caught my arm." 

Leonard kissed it like he could take it away, his arm curling around Jim's chest. He moved on to one curved almost perfectly around the definition of Jim's left pectoral; jagged and small, but there. 

Jim's breath hiccoughed, and he cleared his throat while Leonard littered attention over the spot. "That one's from Tarsus. To get out of the compound, we had to get away from our keepers, and one of the little girls had a keeper that was scarily possessive of her. The guy figured out what we were doing, and I wasn't willing to leave a little girl to be slaughtered. I grabbed her and ran, and he pulled a knife. So I ran towards the killing fields, and he gave chase...and by the time he caught up to me, I'd sent her to the others, but he had me, and he thought I still had her...he went for me, managed to cut, but one of the soldiers shot him. They thought I was already dead, I was bleeding, I made sure I wasn't moving, until when they looked away, and then I ran." 

" _Fuck_." Leonard choked out.

"He got my arm, too. Right forearm. The scar's really faint, but it's there. I was blocking my chest with my arm, it's the only reason he didn't outright stab me." 

In the next room, Jim's comm went off yet again, and Leonard groaned angrily, shaking his head, "I'm going to go turn the damn thing off." 

Jim nodded, catching Leonard's lips before letting him go. 

"Jim, it's the Admiralty." Bones called, padding back into the room with the comm in hand. 

"This can't be good." Jim sat up, taking the comm and answering it uneasily, "Admirals?" 

"Captain James Tiberius Kirk, you are hereby being brought up on charges of insubordination for the divulgence of highly classified information to a news establishment." 

"Bullshit." Leonard growled, "He hasn't divulged a damn thing!" 

"The actions surrounding his resurrection were to be kept completely classified--" 

"He didn't mention dying! He played it off as another near-death thing!" Bones argued, but the line clicked off. 

Jim sighed, turning his comm off and tossing it blindly across the room, turning to Leonard and pulling him in, "It's alright, Bones." 

"No, it's not! Those soft-stomached bastards--" 

"Bones, you don't get it: I wanted them to bring me up on charges. I was hoping they'd make the stupid move." 

"Wh-What?" Leonard demanded, and Jim pulled away enough so that Leonard could finally look at him. 

"They've made the stupid move: After this, there's no getting rid of me in the public eye, and they've made themselves enemies." 

"Jim, this can't be a good thing--" 

"It can and it is, Bones. They're coming after me now, so hitting you below the belt's come second. They know what I'm willing to do to protect you: they should have figured it out faster, but now they most definitely know. I won't back down from protecting you or any member of my crew, there's not a damn thing they can do to you without me stepping into the punch." 

"That's not worth it!" 

Jim's eyes were amused and warm, "Bones...of course it's worth it." 

Leonard took a deep breath, looking away, "What are we going to do, Jim?" 

"You're going to lay down with me, and we're going to go to sleep wrapped around each other. The rest of it, Bones...I've already prepared for it. We'll pull through, don't you worry." 

Leonard looked at him with pleading eyes, and Jim just smirked, leaning in and kissing him softly, "You're a madman." 

"Tell me something I don't know." Jim shrugged with a wicked smile, trapping Bones against the bed and prowling in to kiss him, a smile on his lips as he did. 

Leonard shook his head, smirking as he hooked a leg around Jim's, using a move Jim himself had taught him to flip him over and trap Jim under him instead. Blue eyes startled and laughed, and Leonard sat back, peeling his shirt off over his head with a flick, tossing it away. Jim's eyes widened, a question in his features as Leonard mirrored the prowl he'd just been the prey of. Leonard trapped Jim's lips between his own, nipping the lower and licking the sting away. "I'm jealous of the whole world right now." 

Jim shivered at the husky whisper in his ear, Leonard's mouth brushing his skin just enough to make him squirm. 

"But that's probably something you already know." Jim choked on air, his skin tingling just from Leonard's words. "How about that I'm ridiculously smug that you picked me?" 

Jim shuddered, turning his head to look up at Bones, his mouth fallen open temptingly. Leonard kissed the corner of his mouth first, then fully on the lips. Kirk wrapped his arms around Leonard blindly, throwing himself into the kiss like doing anything else would kill him. Leonard chuckled, shifting just enough to kick his pants off and throw them away, too. Jim choked and gasped as Leonard pressed against him, intent clear in his features. "B-Bones...you sure?" 

"You tell me, slick." Leonard muttered sardonically, rolling his hips against Jim's ruthlessly. Jim bit out a curse, squeezing his eyes closed. "Darlin', if I'd known you'd look so good like this, I would've done this a whole lot sooner." 

"Shit." Jim managed, his hands on Leonard's shoulders, fingernails digging into his palms as Leonard moved against him again, then trailed a hand down, brushing his thumb over the hard line of Jim's cock. Leonard looked up at him, mischief in his eyes, lowering down to breathe against Jim's cock, lowering his mouth to Jim's balls, licking his perineum and sucking on them as Jim cried out above him, his hands white as he gripped the bedsheets. Leonard licked up the swollen vein on the underside of Jim's cock, tonguing under the head before taking Jim into his mouth. Jim bit his lip, reaching down to push his hand through Leonard's hair, not pushing or pulling, just holding on. Leonard sank down as far as he could go, and Jim let out a broken sound, reaching down like he was going to pull him back up, his mouth fallen open and his skin gone bright red. It didn't take long, but Leonard didn't expect it to; Jim's toes curling in the sheets and an inarticulate warning babbled out of his mouth before Jim really was trying to pull him up. 

Leonard didn't let him, though; swallowing around him and urging his orgasm from him until Jim couldn't stop it. He milked Jim through it until Jim was a mess on the bed, shaking with aftershocks and bright-eyed staring at him. 

"You've done that before." Jim accused, breathless, "I've never been jealous of a partner before, Bones. Ever. But I can't seem to help it with you." 

Leonard smirked, catching a drip of cum that had escaped on the side of his mouth and licking it off his thumb. "Way I see it, doesn't matter where you've been, but you're with me now, and I'm not letting anyone any where near you." 

"Fuck." Jim breathed, reaching for him. Leonard groaned as Jim wrapped his hand around Leonard's cock, his fingers brushing over him like he was getting a feel for it before he gripped him and pumped Leonard once, precum dribbling from the tip. Jim licked his chapped lips, urging Bones down beside him. It was Bones's turn to shake as Jim licked the dip of his spine down, his hand tight around Leonard's cock as he gave a slow twist and pulled. Leonard writhed against him, and Jim hushed him; pressing a kiss to each of the dimples above Leonard's ass. 

Jim used his free hand to spread Leonard's cheeks, his tongue flicking over the pink crinkle of Bones's hole. "N-Never done this before." 

Bones knew Jim grinned at that, his hand moving slow as he pumped Leonard once and went back at him, working his tongue at Bones's hole in slow, undulating waves. Bones blew out a long breath, his forehead pressed against the pillows as he forced himself not to try to fuck into Jim's fist, or against his tongue. Jim finally managed to work his tongue deeper, and Bones's back stiffened and relaxed in a delicious roll of muscle, a harsh breath panted out against the sheets. Jim's free hand rubbed over Leonard's flank, trying to get him to relax as Jim's grip on his cock went tight enough to hold him back from coming. 

Bones whined into the bed, and Jim hummed in response, his mouth pulling away for his fingers to slide over the wet it left, dipping in teasingly before Bones twitched in his arms, and Jim pushed one in obediently. 

Leonard turned on his side, struggling to look at Jim over his shoulder. Jim was kneeling, his cock slowly refilling between his legs as Bones watched, one hand disappeared behind Bones, fingers working into him, and the other arm caught between his legs, holding onto Leonard's cock. "Let me take care of you." Jim urged, and Leonard whimpered as he turned back onto his stomach obediently, the hand on his cock rubbing over the delicate skin where his cock and balls met, the fingers retreating from his ass and forcing a sound of protest out of his throat. He couldn't believe Jim was getting hard again so quickly, but part of him figured it shouldn't be a surprise. Jim had stamina, and Bones had played dirty to get him to come so soon: it was only fair that Jim could summon the refractory period of a teenager just to throw that back at him. Bones moaned when he heard the click of a cap, lube being spread over Jim's skin. With lube-slick fingers, Jim opened Bones's thighs, moving him just the way he wanted him before thrusting his cock between Leonard's spread legs, just inches short of actually fucking him. 

Leonard wanted to tell him off immediately; he wasn't offering himself up like that so that Jim could only go halfway, but Jim's cock caught on his rim, and Leonard forgot for one blazing moment what it was like to have a tongue that could make words. Jim kept fucking between his thighs, head moving over Bones's perineum, skin slapping against skin as he picked up a rhythm, and Bones didn't even know he was begging until Jim hushed him, a lubed finger rubbing its way into him.

Bones had never been reduced to such a quivering mess as he was by the time Jim had loosened him up to his satisfaction. Finally releasing Leonard's aching cock, Jim guided himself in carefully, deducing the best angle and then nailing it as he started his rhythm up again, Leonard's hands gripping the pillows so hard he thought they'd tear. 

"Tell me what you want, Bones." Jim urged on a whisper, "Tell me how you want me to make you come." 

Bones writhed, pushing back against Jim incoherently, driven out of his mind with the way Jim handled him. He'd experimented in the Academy; he was Jim Kirk's best friend, it was relatively easy compared to abstaining. But he hadn't been turned inside out quite like this by anyone else ever before. 

Jim kissed over the freckles dotting Bones's tanned shoulders, panting softly against his skin as he pressed against Bones's prostate in longer strokes. "You feel so good, Bones." He murmured, "I need you to come for me...R-Right now, Bones. Come for me." 

Bones had never felt someone's voice like a touch, but Jim's voice seemed to fill him up to every inch, warmth exploding from him as Bones clenched around Jim's cock in his orgasm, the both of them yelling out as it happened. Jim slid away from Leonard too quickly, padding away, and Leonard almost got lost on a pang of panic before Jim came back, clean towel in hand, stroking Leonard clean before perfunctorily dabbing at himself, throwing the towel away. He grinned down at Leonard, laid out on his back now. Jim lowered himself along his side, moving in for a long, lazy kiss. 

"You okay?" 

Leonard couldn't tear his gaze from the blue of Jim's eyes, nodding quietly as he pressed a kiss to Leonard's shoulder. 

"You're quiet, Bones, you're scaring me." Jim didn't quite pull off the joke of it, truth shining in his eyes. 

Leonard swallowed, rubbing a thumb over the hollow of Jim's cheek before pulling him in for a kiss, slow and sweet, "I'm better than okay." He whispered. "I don't think I've _ever_ come so hard, darlin'." 

Jim grinned against his lips, "My heart's still beating, I'd call this a success." 

Leonard snorted, reaching up with a warm hand to check Jim's pulse for himself. "First time you've had such a strong beat in months." Leonard commented, shaking his head, "Of course sex makes you better." 

Jim smirked, "Sexual healing." 

"I'm going to smother you." Bones threatened, reaching for a pillow. "Hold still."


	6. Leave Your Heart Out on the Dancefloor

"Sorry, Len, but Gaila and I are stealing Jim for the night; you two haven't been seen or heard from in four days, and Gaila wants to go dancing...so do I. And Jim's a damn good dancer, and he keeps the assholes away from Gaila when they get drunk enough to try to force-flirt with the Orion." 

"Ny, we both know Gaila could put them down on her own." Jim called through the speaker-phoned comm line. 

"True, but c'mon, Kirk: at this rate, you'll be rumoured to be dead again." 

Leonard looked over his shoulder at Jim; his blond hair rumpled, a bite mark on his throat, the sheets haphazardly in the vicinity of his lap, and his lips swollen and bruised. Unease swept through him at the thought of Jim in some nightclub. 

As if he knew what Leonard was thinking, Jim's blue eyes went dark, a flash of hurt going through them. "Ny, I'll call you back. Kirk out." He reached past Leonard, closing the connection before Nyota could say a thing, "I don't want to skirt this, it'll just hurt more: you don't trust me to go out with them, do you? You don't trust me out there." 

"Jim--" 

"No, Bones, I get it: I don't exactly have the track record of a saint, but...I thought it didn't matter where I've been, just that I'm yours now." Jim lapsed into quiet, looking away for a breath before becoming a flurry of activity, "I'll, uh...I'm gonna go see Gaila, at least. She's only planetside for a week before she'll be back on Starbase I for repairs. That's where she's been, Bones. Repairing the ship, with Scotty. Who she's with now. Romantically. And, uh. I haven't seen Ny in a long time, even longer since we've spent any time without Spock around. So I don't think I'll be here for dinner, Chinese sounds like a good idea for the three of us, and...I'll call you if I'm going to be later, Bones. If only to make sure Gaila's not going to get into a brawl." 

"Jim--" Leonard tried, but Jim was already gone, in the blink of an eye; the bed an vast emptiness, and the air tinged with hurt that McCoy had caused. "I do trust you..." 

Four hours later, Bones got a call from Jim that he couldn't bring himself to answer, then one from Nyota that barely made it through the first ring before he was panicking and picking it up. 

"He's fine, Len. Moping, but fine. Gaila's convinced him to come with us. You should come, too. See what he's like when he's there...and what he's like without you. You should trust him, Leonard. I never thought I'd be abdicating Jim Kirk for fidelity and faithfulness, but I think you're about as different for him as it gets." 

"...Where are you going?" 

Twenty minutes spent dithering, and Bones found himself striding into the club Nyota had told him they were going to, bass thumping through his chest as he slipped through the crowds, glancing around the tables before his eyes fell on the dancefloor. 

Jim had gotten dressed in one of Leonard's button-up shirts, loose around the shoulders, but endearingly baggy; and a pair of ancient jeans that had survived countless bloodstains and came out perfectly. He had his head thrown back, his features a mask of mirth as the strange, repetitive music crashed through the room around them, then slid into something smoother. Jim flicked Gaila into his arms, then twirled her out, dancing somewhere between goofily and gracefully, the two women he was there for laughing at him fondly as they danced with him and each other. Putting on a mockingly serious face, Jim grabbed Nyota, going through classical steps with a jerky edge to them, putting on a show for Gaila, who was in stitches watching Nyota giggle her way through it. The two girls gravitated towards each other for a moment, and Kirk was just as happy to dance alone. But he wasn't alone for long, a blonde pressing into his space. Jim grinned at her, but shook his head, gesturing between himself and the other two, clearly turning her down.

Leonard felt that go through him like a phaser burn through the stomach, ducking his head in shame. 

It wasn't long before Jim was signalling to the girls that he should be leaving, and they both pouted at him; the both of them actually giving him a hug before letting him go with sad little waves. Leonard managed to get his feet to start moving forward, hoping that Jim would catch sight of him out of the din and mass. 

He needn't have worried: Jim's blue eyes seemed to cut through the crowd right to him the moment he moved, and Jim looked stricken, confused, hurt...it was too much, and McCoy was striding for him before he could take another breath. Bones pulled him in, tipped his head back, and kissed him so deeply that it was like everything around them went muffled and distant. 

"I do trust you, Jim. You think I'd go into the black? That I'd let you meet Joanna?" 

"You didn't want me here because you thought I'd stray, Bones." Jim accused, his voice powerful and angry. Leonard deserved that. 

"That was my first, gut reaction, Jim. That wasn't my head, or my heart, it was just the thought of you here, being mine, but without me--" 

"Letting me meet Jo was big, I know it was, but you didn't have much choice. And trusting me to take you into the black...that's not this. Not even close. You don't trust me, Bones." 

"Jim," Leonard grabbed Jim's sleeves, then got a grip on his arms, his eyes blazing, "don't you dare walk away from me now, kid. Not after everything you've done. I'm old and an idiot, Jim. I want to love you more than I've ever wanted anything, do you understand that? But I already lost everything once, and once bitten, twice shy. Please, I _trust_ you. I couldn't be standing here arguing with you right now if I didn't, if this wasn't so different it's another beast entirely, but--" 

"But sometimes when you let your guard down and don't think...it feels as good as the old one did, and you panic." 

Bones's features melted into relief, and Jim shook his head, rolling his eyes and pulling him into a hug. "I'd ask you to dance with me, but I can't dance." He muttered into Jim's neck, just under his ear, close enough to be heard even over the thump of the music. 

"I can work with that." Jim laughed, taking Bones's hand and gently tugging him onto the dancefloor. Nyota threw her arms around Bones with a beaming smile, Gaila doing the same even though they'd only ever met once before. 

As it turned out, McCoy wasn't the only miracleworker of the two of them, because dancing with Jim happened the second Jim got him to relax, and it was so good Leonard's face nearly cramped up from grinning. 

"That's my Bones."


	7. Don't You Worry, Don't You Worry

"If you don't go to testify at my hearing, they'll hold you in contempt; and if you don't go to the opening of your hearing, at the same time on the same day, they'll hold you in contempt." Leonard growled, looking murderous. "Let's both blow it off and go to prison together. It'll be a short one." 

"Bones, relax: I've got it covered." 

"Having Scotty pull the fire alarm does not constitute the situation as being 'covered', Jim." 

Jim snorted, grinning fondly at his lover, "You cut me to the quick, Bonesy. Kiss me goodbye and get your ass to your trial, will you?" 

Leonard shook his head, scowling as he leaned in and did just that; continuing to shake his head as he met Pavel and Hikaru outside the apartment, taking the coffee awaiting him. 

He trooped along with the happy couple, his disposition getting grouchier the more he turned over the thoughts in his head: How the Admiralty probably did this purposefully; how Jim refused to get him further involved than to kiss him and tell him it'd be okay. Leonard trusted Jim with everything, but it wasn't a matter of trust that had his gut twisted to knots--it was a matter of Jim's penchant for throwing his fool life away. Seeming to understand this and have the ability to carry out entire conversations silently, Pavel and Hikaru glanced at each other in silent agreement to let Leonard be until he could be talked down by talking it out. 

"It's amazing what the press can find out these days..." Hikaru commented placidly as they pulled towards the building his hearing was taking place in. 

"Ewen more amazzing what ze public will do for zeir heroes." Pavel agreed, just as unperturbed by the scene taking place before them. 

The building was overrun by protesters. Never had Leonard seen quite so many angry people, and they all seemed to be carrying signs concerning him and Jim's freedom, and the Admiralty's fuck up in making enemies of them. "What in the..." 

"Apparently, sir, the Admiralty made it public record that they would be pressing charges against Captain Kirk. There was a reporter waiting for that very record, and here we are: two thousand angry people demanding yours and Kirk's clemency. They love you, sir, because he loves you, and they adore him." Leonard was lost for words, his eyes bugged. 

"I don't see how this is meant to help him with needing to be in two places at once." Leonard commented bitterly. 

"The Admirals trying him are somewhere in zat mass, sir. They will not be allowed past ze press any time soon." 

"And the Admirals trying you are somewhere in there, too. If they don't arrive for the hearings, the charges brought against you go past the Admiralty, and into the hands of the Federation President, who does not want this shit going down, if I may paraphrase just a little bit." 

Leonard barked a laugh, feeling dizzy, "The Federation President...Jim's a damn madman." 

"Yes, sir." Pavel agreed, whole-heartedly. Hikaru laughed, pulling into a parking spot. 

"They'll let us through, just so you know; Jim, too--they've been made aware of the stakes they're playing at. Spock, oddly enough, was very forthcoming with exact Starfleet regulation." 

"Might've had somezing to do with Nyota threatening to newer speak to him again." 

"Doubtful, though." Hikaru allowed. 

"I feel like I owe them all." 

"Keptin Kirk said you might," Pavel began. 

"He also said to tell you that he's already taken care of it." Hikaru finished. 

Leonard snorted, shaking his head all over again as they moved passively through the crowds. Once in a while, a young mother would catch Leonard's hand and thank him for being her baby's hero; sometimes a teenager would call to him and tell him they were going to be just like him, or just like Jim; and more often than not, seeing him brought a bow of the head, like he was royalty to these people who were just like him. The Narada hadn't prepared him for this. He'd been a hero in Starfleet to a point: it'd been Pike on his operating table, not Jim, and Jim had been the public's hero, not Pike. The sheer mass of people thankful for him and his lover was dizzying to behold. 

Then again, saving Pike had made him Jim's hero, and that had been dizzying, too. 

"Can either of you tell me what else Jim's got up his sleeve?" 

"Sorry, sir." Pavel declined, looking puppyish. Leonard heaved a sigh, shaking his head as he marched into the hall, only to stop short as he saw who was waiting for him there. 

The Federation President was utterly unamused, taking him in with a critical eye, "You're Leonard McCoy, I take it?" 

"Y-Yes, sir--"

"This ethics hearing...it's been cancelled. You've been found guilty of cheating death, but that's death's sentencing hearing, not ours. You and James Kirk are going back out into the black as soon as the Enterprise is ready for you again. I need good men out there, and you two seem to be the best men in my arsenal. And the best team. You cheated death for him; and he's brought me down here for you. That kind of devotion goes a long way, Doctor McCoy. Do me a favour and prove me right with it." 

McCoy managed to get his parts into working-enough order to salute as the highest in the chain of command swept out of the hall, trailing an entourage of body guards and secretaries. 

"I think I'm going to be sick..." Leonard muttered, swaying on his feet. 

"Don't do that, Bones!" Jim called, emerging from a meeting room that Leonard had the sneaking suspicion he'd caught the Federation President in leaving. Jim grinned at him, clapping him on the arm and keeping his hand wrapped steadily around it, almost like he was reading to hold Leonard up if need be. "I told you I had it covered." He told Leonard lovingly, leaning in to press a kiss just on the corner of Leonard's mouth. 

"What the hell did you do?" 

"I did what I do best: I caused a stir. Actually, I did exactly what I told the Admiralty I'd do if they laid you up. I took it over their heads. There's a formal investigation going on now, Bones. It seems that some of the admirals threatened others into agreeing to press charges against us." 

"...You let us be used." Leonard realized. "The whole time you've been so calm, because you knew it was going to play out so that neither of us would get so much as a slap on the wrist, but we could call into question the actions of the admirals. You knew." 

Jim winced, looking sheepish, "I did try to tell you to be calm, Bones. I'm sorry I had to keep it from you--" 

"Not mad. Astounded and a little frightened, but not mad." 

Jim's look turned tender, his hand reaching out to reel Leonard in. "Don't be afraid, Bones. I'll never use my powers against you." 

Leonard walked into the day with Jim under his arm, unable to keep himself from grinning as people flocked towards them, holding things to be signed, asking for pictures. Jim was safe in his arms, and they'd be up in the black before long, in the tin can Leonard found it hard not to call home. He wondered if Jim would move in with him up there; but with a smile as Jim picked up a little girl to take a picture with her, no older than Joanna, he knew that of all the beings in the universe, he didn't have to question if Jim Kirk had thought of that, and made the plans ahead of time.


End file.
